The end of 2008 is closing in on us, as is indicated by Thanksgiving, the official beginning of the holiday season. It's one of my favorite holidays, and why shouldn't it be? Who doesn't love an excuse to stuff themselves silly until they feel nauseous and swollen like an over-inflated beach ball?! Oh wait, I have that excuse and feel that way almost everyday, I'm pregnant! No seriously, love this holiday for the food, the family and the lack of pressure to provide gifts.
For a number of years, our usual holiday weekend is spent up at my family's cabin in Jemez, New Mexico. The Cabin is great for a number of reasons:
1) It's really beautiful up there.
2) There is no TV, internet or cell phones.
3) You only have to change out of your PJ's or brush your teeth if you really want to.
4) Anarchy rules. Nobody has to do anything they don't want to and are entitled to do what ever strikes them at any time. That includes spontaneous naps, reading, drinking, smoking, eating or hiking. Staring off at the cliffs, creek or roaring fire for extended periods of time, is considered appropriate behavior.
5) Playing board games or cards for hours, in front of the fire, while intoxicated, is really fun.
6) You usually only drive to get there and to leave, but if you do drive during the stay, it's usually to go on a gorgeous hike in the mountains.
This year for Thanksgiving, we are not going to the cabin, we are going to Colorado to visit with Erik's parents and sister, Megan, who is flying out from NY. Even though we will miss the Cabin and the festivities there, we are totally looking forward to a great weekend with his family. For some unknown reason, Erik and I have never done T-day together in CO, and it is very much overdue. We wanted to see everyone before the baby came and still have enough days there, so it didn't feel rushed, and this weekend fit the bill.
Roadtrips, even short ones, are something that Erik and I love doing. We each have very distinct roles on trips and find it easy to just "do our thing" on the road. One of the things I enjoy the most is getting to have uninterrupted talks with him about anything and everything. I usually come up with some random questions about our future, our dreams or some hypothetical situations, and we have fun answering them together. For this trip, we will certainly spend time talking about what is in store for our future, especially in regards to becoming new parents, but we will also take some time to talk about what we are thankful for. I know it sounds cliche, but I like that Thanksgiving really does remind me to step back, look at my life objectively, and notice what I am thankful for. Honestly, I don't do that enough and I should. Despite Erik's and my struggles, we have an incredible life. We have each other, wonderful families and friends, a baby on the way, a house that stresses us out but is loaded with possibilities, our health, and the resources we need to keep eating and living a good life, even if it is just for now. He and I are the type that will always want more and will probably always have a hard time not getting caught up in what we are lacking at the time. It's not easy, but we try to remind ourselves to step back and put it all in perspective. Sometimes we are lucky and get a rush of amazement, washing over us, that fills us with a sense of accomplishment and gratefulness for what we have in this life. Those are the moments when I feel the most peace and contentment, and know that everything will be OK.
My Thanksgiving wish to all of you, is that you will not only take a moment to take stock of what you are grateful for, even if it's something small, like the smell in the air on a crisp fall day, or the savory taste of your favorite dish, but I wish for you, the sensation of feeling totally grateful, even when life isn't everything you hope it to be.
Happy Thanksgiving! May all of you have a wonderful holiday weekend!
Love,
Camian
P.S. I haven't posted a link besides my own website in awhile, but here is a fave of mine that gets a lot of traffic this time of year.
http://www.epicurious.com/
P.P.S. I really tried to post some pictures today, but Blogger was having issues.... Sorry!
Monday, November 24, 2008
Adversity
This was an interesting analogy that I received via email. It made me think about the challenges we face and the way we choose to address them.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Carrot, an egg and a cup of coffee...
A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.
Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.
In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.
Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see." Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it mean?" Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity... boiling water, however, each reacted differently.
The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.
The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.
The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.
Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond?Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"
Think of this: Which am I?
Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?
Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?
Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain.When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Carrot, an egg and a cup of coffee...
A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.
Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.
In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.
Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see." Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it mean?" Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity... boiling water, however, each reacted differently.
The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.
The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.
The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.
Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond?Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"
Think of this: Which am I?
Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?
Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?
Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain.When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Craftastic holidaze
For many of us planner types, Turkey day weekend marks the beginning of the holiday shopping season. Being someone who often makes a number of holiday gifts, I've already been thinking and browsing materials for about a month. By the time Turkey day hits, I'm usually in a semi-panic mode about what I can get crafted in time for Christmas.
Making something for those you love is always an interesting proposition. The theory goes that you will spend less (ha! if you luck out), invest more in the heartfelt gesture (aka: time, stress and more time), and that "the thought that counts" notion will resonate more with the recipient (don't you love your new ashtray?!). I've had mixed results with this theory.
Over the years I've made many one-of-a-kind gifts and gifts in bulk. Making gifts in bulk is usually the most cost efficient (can you say Econ 101 at home?) and typically, by the time you are completing the finishing touches on the very last one, you've finally figured out the "best," most time efficient way to make your widget, and you will now never make one of them again. Making one-of-a-kinders is usually a personal exercise in patience, time-management and repair/maintenance techniques. "Oh shit, I didn't quite calculate that right, I bought the material on clearance, and jeez I was sure I thought of everything, but I guess not that...." More than once, I've finished a gift, felt satisfied with the final product, then broken something in transport.
Then you have the receiving of the gift. As a crafter, who's invested blood, sweat and tears into the present, you have a fantasy of what will unfold when the recipient opens your gift. You imagine a scene like that of a Lexus commercial, where there's a new car in the driveway with a giant red bow and the unwitting spouse has just opened a perfect department store wrapped box holding the keys to the new luxury toy. As they open the box, in front of the stylishly decorated 12 foot Christmas tree and their living room of designer furniture, a look of shock and adoration washes over their face. Their jaw drops, eyes water and they practically knock over their lover with a full body hug. Skipping and smiles, cocktails and sexual favors ensue, and everyone is sure that this was "The Best Christmas Ever!!" OK, so that never happens in real life. If you're lucky, you get a genuine smile, a little twinkle in the eye and their hands eagerly exploring the new whatnot you've created. The reality is, that you rarely, if ever, get the reaction that beams, "Wow, you worked your ass off, didn't you? Thanks!!"
If a crafter, rarely gets the reaction they want, why do they continue with their crafted gifts, year after year? One, because we're horribly masochistic. Seriously, artists love to work with stuff that slowly poisons them and makes them crazy (Van Gogh anyone?). Plus, we rely on an inner cavity to be filled with painful and tortured memories that we can draw from for inspiration. So why not self-inflict the necessary pain? It motivates, inspires, makes us artsy and interesting, and at least then our loved ones don't have to feel guilty, because we're just doing this all for our personal growth. Two, we tend to have this sickening drive to create stuff, and if we're making something as a gift, then we at least have a justified excuse to go spend gobs of money on new materials, hence the reason it rarely ends up cheaper than a store bought gift. Ultimately, we really really want the recipient to love and adore our gift, and praise it as the greatest thing ever, but we really keep creating for ourselves. OK, maybe that's what I keep telling myself, hoping I'll eventually be convinced of why I persist with my maddening behavior....
So here I am, with Turkey day a mere week away, and I am still contemplating what degree of self-torture I would like to employ this holiday season. Am I ready to commit to a vision of crafting the "perfect gift," only to discover through the process that it's all going to be much more time consuming, stressful, costly and difficult than I ever planned, and that the final product will most likely not look like what I envisioned? Then after all that, am I ready to accept a politely-pleased reaction from the recipient? As of right now, I can't say where my crafting-drive will take me this holiday season. I have ideas, but I may just say fuck it, buy everyones' gifts and put my crafting drive into action by making a bunch of stuff for my baby's nursery! In the meantime, if you happen to be on my gift recipient list, you may want to come up with some requests, because you never know what you might end up with if I get that urge to craft for you.
Making something for those you love is always an interesting proposition. The theory goes that you will spend less (ha! if you luck out), invest more in the heartfelt gesture (aka: time, stress and more time), and that "the thought that counts" notion will resonate more with the recipient (don't you love your new ashtray?!). I've had mixed results with this theory.
Over the years I've made many one-of-a-kind gifts and gifts in bulk. Making gifts in bulk is usually the most cost efficient (can you say Econ 101 at home?) and typically, by the time you are completing the finishing touches on the very last one, you've finally figured out the "best," most time efficient way to make your widget, and you will now never make one of them again. Making one-of-a-kinders is usually a personal exercise in patience, time-management and repair/maintenance techniques. "Oh shit, I didn't quite calculate that right, I bought the material on clearance, and jeez I was sure I thought of everything, but I guess not that...." More than once, I've finished a gift, felt satisfied with the final product, then broken something in transport.
Then you have the receiving of the gift. As a crafter, who's invested blood, sweat and tears into the present, you have a fantasy of what will unfold when the recipient opens your gift. You imagine a scene like that of a Lexus commercial, where there's a new car in the driveway with a giant red bow and the unwitting spouse has just opened a perfect department store wrapped box holding the keys to the new luxury toy. As they open the box, in front of the stylishly decorated 12 foot Christmas tree and their living room of designer furniture, a look of shock and adoration washes over their face. Their jaw drops, eyes water and they practically knock over their lover with a full body hug. Skipping and smiles, cocktails and sexual favors ensue, and everyone is sure that this was "The Best Christmas Ever!!" OK, so that never happens in real life. If you're lucky, you get a genuine smile, a little twinkle in the eye and their hands eagerly exploring the new whatnot you've created. The reality is, that you rarely, if ever, get the reaction that beams, "Wow, you worked your ass off, didn't you? Thanks!!"
If a crafter, rarely gets the reaction they want, why do they continue with their crafted gifts, year after year? One, because we're horribly masochistic. Seriously, artists love to work with stuff that slowly poisons them and makes them crazy (Van Gogh anyone?). Plus, we rely on an inner cavity to be filled with painful and tortured memories that we can draw from for inspiration. So why not self-inflict the necessary pain? It motivates, inspires, makes us artsy and interesting, and at least then our loved ones don't have to feel guilty, because we're just doing this all for our personal growth. Two, we tend to have this sickening drive to create stuff, and if we're making something as a gift, then we at least have a justified excuse to go spend gobs of money on new materials, hence the reason it rarely ends up cheaper than a store bought gift. Ultimately, we really really want the recipient to love and adore our gift, and praise it as the greatest thing ever, but we really keep creating for ourselves. OK, maybe that's what I keep telling myself, hoping I'll eventually be convinced of why I persist with my maddening behavior....
So here I am, with Turkey day a mere week away, and I am still contemplating what degree of self-torture I would like to employ this holiday season. Am I ready to commit to a vision of crafting the "perfect gift," only to discover through the process that it's all going to be much more time consuming, stressful, costly and difficult than I ever planned, and that the final product will most likely not look like what I envisioned? Then after all that, am I ready to accept a politely-pleased reaction from the recipient? As of right now, I can't say where my crafting-drive will take me this holiday season. I have ideas, but I may just say fuck it, buy everyones' gifts and put my crafting drive into action by making a bunch of stuff for my baby's nursery! In the meantime, if you happen to be on my gift recipient list, you may want to come up with some requests, because you never know what you might end up with if I get that urge to craft for you.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
A monkey off my back
PART I: Business
As some of you know, this year has been dedicated in large part to me working on my business's marketing materials. The largest, most annoyingly complex part of that being my long overdue website....
Starting in June, I met with a photographer and for 2 days straight we embarked on a shooting extravaganza of 7 houses I had worked on. Between that and my own collection of photos from the last 8 years, I had about 2000 pictures of projects, all of which had to be sorted, edited and filtered down to 136 spots. Then I had the terribly daunting task of creating text for the site, to tell the reader about me and my services. OK, that may sound like not that big of a deal, but let me tell you, it brought back painful school memories of "What did you do this summer" essay assignments. It probably took me 15 drafts before I came up with an "About Me" section that didn't sound like I was 12 years old and telling you about our family vacation.... Thankfully, I eventually came up with something semi-presentable and was able to solicit the editing help of my very capable and competent friend, Dorota Skrzypek , who is a professional writer and publisher. After many, many drafts back and forth, for every copy element of the site, we came up with some goodness that I felt was worthy of posting. She was incredibly dedicated to my cause and was extremely generous with her time, hence my grateful shout-out!
In the meantime, I was working with a graphic designer on the site and on the elements that would eventually be used for my whole marketing campaign. Without me going off on a rant, let's just say that it wasn't the best working situation I've encountered, and there were quite a few nights where I bitched up a storm to Erik and Shembi regarding my frustrations.... but here we are, who knows how long later, and I have a working website I can live with.
So after months and months of work, a number of meetings, slews of emails and lots of phone calls, I finally have a working website that is pretty much done!!!! There a few glitches still, but really, they're minor, and will get fixed soon, BUT I have a working website!!! I can't tell you what a huge relief it is to get this monkey off my back. I finally feel like I can move my business forward into the 21st century, start promoting myself again, and no longer have to scramble in embarrassment when a potential client calls and wants to see my website and portfolio. I can actually say, "Well, here it is!" How cool is that?!
PART II: Baby
Monday I reached 26 weeks out of 40. I have definitely been popping out lately, and the baby's movements are getting bigger and stronger. Tomorrow I have my monthly prenatal appointment, and I'll find out how much weight I've actually gained and how large my new appendage has gotten.
As some of you know, this year has been dedicated in large part to me working on my business's marketing materials. The largest, most annoyingly complex part of that being my long overdue website....
Starting in June, I met with a photographer and for 2 days straight we embarked on a shooting extravaganza of 7 houses I had worked on. Between that and my own collection of photos from the last 8 years, I had about 2000 pictures of projects, all of which had to be sorted, edited and filtered down to 136 spots. Then I had the terribly daunting task of creating text for the site, to tell the reader about me and my services. OK, that may sound like not that big of a deal, but let me tell you, it brought back painful school memories of "What did you do this summer" essay assignments. It probably took me 15 drafts before I came up with an "About Me" section that didn't sound like I was 12 years old and telling you about our family vacation.... Thankfully, I eventually came up with something semi-presentable and was able to solicit the editing help of my very capable and competent friend, Dorota Skrzypek , who is a professional writer and publisher. After many, many drafts back and forth, for every copy element of the site, we came up with some goodness that I felt was worthy of posting. She was incredibly dedicated to my cause and was extremely generous with her time, hence my grateful shout-out!
In the meantime, I was working with a graphic designer on the site and on the elements that would eventually be used for my whole marketing campaign. Without me going off on a rant, let's just say that it wasn't the best working situation I've encountered, and there were quite a few nights where I bitched up a storm to Erik and Shembi regarding my frustrations.... but here we are, who knows how long later, and I have a working website I can live with.
So after months and months of work, a number of meetings, slews of emails and lots of phone calls, I finally have a working website that is pretty much done!!!! There a few glitches still, but really, they're minor, and will get fixed soon, BUT I have a working website!!! I can't tell you what a huge relief it is to get this monkey off my back. I finally feel like I can move my business forward into the 21st century, start promoting myself again, and no longer have to scramble in embarrassment when a potential client calls and wants to see my website and portfolio. I can actually say, "Well, here it is!" How cool is that?!
Please check it out and feel free to send me your feedback. Also, don't hesitate to bookmark it and forward the site along to anyone you know who would enjoy checking out my portfolio! Thanks!!
PART II: Baby
Monday I reached 26 weeks out of 40. I have definitely been popping out lately, and the baby's movements are getting bigger and stronger. Tomorrow I have my monthly prenatal appointment, and I'll find out how much weight I've actually gained and how large my new appendage has gotten.
Erik calls this the Virgin of Guadalupe shot.
It should be noted that this brilliant title struck him after his 3rd glass of wine.
It should be noted that this brilliant title struck him after his 3rd glass of wine.
Lounging with my little beach ball
Erik lounging with his pathetic excuse for a beer belly.
Notice Max the kitty makes up for it a bit with his man-boobs cleavage
Notice Max the kitty makes up for it a bit with his man-boobs cleavage
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Pictures galore
The response I got to the last post, mostly via email, was amazing. So many of you wrote me to send Congratulations and Best Wishes. I know Tasha, Eli and Zabri are very happy both with their good fortune and beautiful son, but also with all the love that has been pouring in for them. On their behalf I would like extend a very grateful and sincere Thank You!
At the request of many, I am posting a slew of recent pictures. I have spent entirely way too much time on this blog this week, both posting and responding to emails, but I'm just looking at it as a "birthday gift" to Mr. Zabri!
Enjoy the pics of the little one, and hopefully next week I will post some pictures of my own rapidly expanding belly!
Happy Grandpa
This one makes me giggle
Sweet, sleeping baby
Cozy bath time in the sun
Tasha's favorite little baby outfit
His first Elvis impersonation
Look at how teeny he looks!
Who doesn't love baby toes?!
He seems very serious here....
Cute little squirmer, flailing around
UPDATE:
Mira requested that I add these two because they are her favorite:
At the request of many, I am posting a slew of recent pictures. I have spent entirely way too much time on this blog this week, both posting and responding to emails, but I'm just looking at it as a "birthday gift" to Mr. Zabri!
Enjoy the pics of the little one, and hopefully next week I will post some pictures of my own rapidly expanding belly!
Proud glowing Mama
Happy Grandpa
This one makes me giggle
Sweet, sleeping baby
Cozy bath time in the sun
Tasha's favorite little baby outfit
His first Elvis impersonation
Look at how teeny he looks!
Who doesn't love baby toes?!
He seems very serious here....
Cute little squirmer, flailing around
UPDATE:
Mira requested that I add these two because they are her favorite:
Monday, November 10, 2008
My new nephew!
Last week was quite the exciting week! Mira was in town in anticipation of Tasha giving birth, and she delayed her flight twice in hopes that she would be in attendance, but with work piling up and no signs of labor, she reluctantly left on Tuesday night. Tuesday night Obama won and the whole family celebrated. Then on Wednesday night at about midnight, Tasha started labor. According to Tasha, labor started off very intense with 45 seconds to a minute contractions only 3 minutes apart. Then at 6:36 AM on Thursday, November 6th, my nephew, Zabri (rhymes with Avery) was born! 8 pounds, 10 ounces, and 21" long, perfect in every way.
I almost missed the entire event, because for the first night in weeks, I forgot to bring a phone (with a ringer on) into our room, and didn't hear the 12 calls that my family made that night trying to get me up to the house.... I am totally thankful that Tasha had also invited two friends from Albuquerque to attend the birth, and my mom got a hold of them and sent them over to my house to get me up and bring me up to my parents' house. Yay Amanda and Krisha!!!! Anyway, at 5:30 AM they showed up, scared the living crap out of me ringing our doorbell, and we all hauled ass up to Placitas, with me crying the whole time believing that I would surely miss the birth....
We arrived at 6 AM, just as the sun was starting to rise. Tasha was in the birthing pool with Eli supporting her, the midwives, my parents and an old family friend were all there. The room was lit by one small desk lamp, candles and a fire in the fireplace. The air was thick with the moisture and heat, and the intensity of the situation at hand. Tasha was thoroughly focused on her task and Eli was on his knees behind her, holding her up and whispering in her ear. Over the next half hour, we all murmered words of praise and encouragement, while somewhat holding our collective breath for the baby to emerge at any moment. Despite the labor progressing very quickly, especially for a first baby, Tasha was relatively slow at getting his head out, which is very good because it minimized damage to her. After pushing for just over an hour, Tasha gave a final push and Zabri was born into the water, right as the sunrise was coming through the skylight, casting a soft glow in the room. The midwife helped her catch him, and she brought him up to her chest while exclaiming, "It's a Boy!"
He was beautiful as soon as he emerged. His color was good and he started crying just a minute or two after he came out, and because he was a week overdue, he was not covered in the white goo called Vernix. There were no complications during or after the labor, and we are all thankful that Tasha got to have the labor experience at home that she always wanted, and that he is perfect and healthy.
After Eli cut the cord, the midwives helped Tasha out of the pool and into her bed. Zabri immediately started nursing and opening his eyes real wide, attempting to take in his new surroundings.
When not nursing, he was most content just snuggling with Mama's breast. That kid's got some serious "sucker lips" and will "nurse" on almost anything you put to his lips!
After all the activity calmed down, my dad made a round of french toast and coffee for everyone, and the new family got some much needed time to rest. Eli and the baby were exhausted, and Tasha was too, but was unable to sleep because of the post-labor chemicals running through her system. She took a break to the living room, and daddy and baby got their first nap together.
We are all very proud of Tasha for doing an amazing job bringing their son into the world! We are all thrilled to welcome Zabri as the first baby of a new generation to our family, and as the first boy in the Poling Casa. I would have been absolutely devastated if I wouldn't have made it to the birth, but thankfully, it all worked out and I was there. I wish Mira and Erin could've been there, but once again, the lesson that we have no control when it comes to pregnancy or children has been reinforced.
In a few short months I will hopefully have a similar experience to Tasha. Erik and I will be home, with family and midwives assisting us, to bring our own son into this world. The two boys will be cousins, maybe best friends, and most likely rambunctious hellions, but we are all excited and eager to embrace and experience the stories and love that lie ahead.
I almost missed the entire event, because for the first night in weeks, I forgot to bring a phone (with a ringer on) into our room, and didn't hear the 12 calls that my family made that night trying to get me up to the house.... I am totally thankful that Tasha had also invited two friends from Albuquerque to attend the birth, and my mom got a hold of them and sent them over to my house to get me up and bring me up to my parents' house. Yay Amanda and Krisha!!!! Anyway, at 5:30 AM they showed up, scared the living crap out of me ringing our doorbell, and we all hauled ass up to Placitas, with me crying the whole time believing that I would surely miss the birth....
We arrived at 6 AM, just as the sun was starting to rise. Tasha was in the birthing pool with Eli supporting her, the midwives, my parents and an old family friend were all there. The room was lit by one small desk lamp, candles and a fire in the fireplace. The air was thick with the moisture and heat, and the intensity of the situation at hand. Tasha was thoroughly focused on her task and Eli was on his knees behind her, holding her up and whispering in her ear. Over the next half hour, we all murmered words of praise and encouragement, while somewhat holding our collective breath for the baby to emerge at any moment. Despite the labor progressing very quickly, especially for a first baby, Tasha was relatively slow at getting his head out, which is very good because it minimized damage to her. After pushing for just over an hour, Tasha gave a final push and Zabri was born into the water, right as the sunrise was coming through the skylight, casting a soft glow in the room. The midwife helped her catch him, and she brought him up to her chest while exclaiming, "It's a Boy!"
He was beautiful as soon as he emerged. His color was good and he started crying just a minute or two after he came out, and because he was a week overdue, he was not covered in the white goo called Vernix. There were no complications during or after the labor, and we are all thankful that Tasha got to have the labor experience at home that she always wanted, and that he is perfect and healthy.
After Eli cut the cord, the midwives helped Tasha out of the pool and into her bed. Zabri immediately started nursing and opening his eyes real wide, attempting to take in his new surroundings.
When not nursing, he was most content just snuggling with Mama's breast. That kid's got some serious "sucker lips" and will "nurse" on almost anything you put to his lips!
After all the activity calmed down, my dad made a round of french toast and coffee for everyone, and the new family got some much needed time to rest. Eli and the baby were exhausted, and Tasha was too, but was unable to sleep because of the post-labor chemicals running through her system. She took a break to the living room, and daddy and baby got their first nap together.We are all very proud of Tasha for doing an amazing job bringing their son into the world! We are all thrilled to welcome Zabri as the first baby of a new generation to our family, and as the first boy in the Poling Casa. I would have been absolutely devastated if I wouldn't have made it to the birth, but thankfully, it all worked out and I was there. I wish Mira and Erin could've been there, but once again, the lesson that we have no control when it comes to pregnancy or children has been reinforced.
In a few short months I will hopefully have a similar experience to Tasha. Erik and I will be home, with family and midwives assisting us, to bring our own son into this world. The two boys will be cousins, maybe best friends, and most likely rambunctious hellions, but we are all excited and eager to embrace and experience the stories and love that lie ahead.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
A letter to our son
Dear Baby Boy,
Last night was an amazing night. With friends surrounding us at home, we celebrated the victory of Barack Obama as our next President. When you enter this world, we will have our first black president, and a man of many backgrounds to lead our nation forward into this increasingly small global community. We know that the challenges that face us as a country are huge and daunting, but we believe and hope that his message of change and unity will once again bring out the best in our citizens, and lead us to an era of cooperation and innovation. We thought he ran a fantastic campaign, and managed his army of staff and volunteers brilliantly. Since he ran his campaign so well, we believe that he has the potential to do the same with our country.
I get choked up knowing that you will emerge into an America that has once again shown the world that there is still truth in the creed "Only in America could this happen." Your dad and I are proud to have been a part of a "movement," the first one in our lifetimes, that has inspired millions of people to get engaged and participate. The other first in almost our whole lives, is the changing of guard from a Clinton or Bush being in the White House, and we truly believed it was time for a change of power. We don't expect the world to change overnight, nor do we believe that Obama has a "magic wand" to change our problems, but we do believe that someone who inspires the masses to participate is one of the most significant steps we can take towards growth and problem-solving. We are proud to once again have a president who is intelligent, educated, sensitive, charismatic, steady, and willing to reason. There are so many mistakes we feel our country has made in the last 8 years, and until now we felt that we couldn't challenge the power at hand, and we felt hopeless watching our country barreling down a path in the wrong direction. We finally feel a sense of relief knowing that we will finally get a change in vision and policies. He won not as a black American, but as a qualified candidate who happens to be black. We are proud with our democracy for seeing past his color and choosing to elect the best candidate.
"This sends a powerful message to the rest of the world about the need for diversity and building bridges, values that are at the core of any efforts to create a world at peace with itself."
-By Mohamed ElBaradei, Director General, IAEA
Baby boy, I am so proud that this will be happening at the beginning of your life. There will always be fear and intolerance, war and injustice, poverty and inequality, but for a time, even if for only a brief time, your dad and I will have a sense of deep satisfaction that the world can indeed change for the better, and that America can once again be a guiding light for positive leadership. This is a moment that will live in history, and we can say, "We were there and we were a part of it."
Love,
Mom
Last night was an amazing night. With friends surrounding us at home, we celebrated the victory of Barack Obama as our next President. When you enter this world, we will have our first black president, and a man of many backgrounds to lead our nation forward into this increasingly small global community. We know that the challenges that face us as a country are huge and daunting, but we believe and hope that his message of change and unity will once again bring out the best in our citizens, and lead us to an era of cooperation and innovation. We thought he ran a fantastic campaign, and managed his army of staff and volunteers brilliantly. Since he ran his campaign so well, we believe that he has the potential to do the same with our country.
I get choked up knowing that you will emerge into an America that has once again shown the world that there is still truth in the creed "Only in America could this happen." Your dad and I are proud to have been a part of a "movement," the first one in our lifetimes, that has inspired millions of people to get engaged and participate. The other first in almost our whole lives, is the changing of guard from a Clinton or Bush being in the White House, and we truly believed it was time for a change of power. We don't expect the world to change overnight, nor do we believe that Obama has a "magic wand" to change our problems, but we do believe that someone who inspires the masses to participate is one of the most significant steps we can take towards growth and problem-solving. We are proud to once again have a president who is intelligent, educated, sensitive, charismatic, steady, and willing to reason. There are so many mistakes we feel our country has made in the last 8 years, and until now we felt that we couldn't challenge the power at hand, and we felt hopeless watching our country barreling down a path in the wrong direction. We finally feel a sense of relief knowing that we will finally get a change in vision and policies. He won not as a black American, but as a qualified candidate who happens to be black. We are proud with our democracy for seeing past his color and choosing to elect the best candidate.
"This sends a powerful message to the rest of the world about the need for diversity and building bridges, values that are at the core of any efforts to create a world at peace with itself."
-By Mohamed ElBaradei, Director General, IAEA
Baby boy, I am so proud that this will be happening at the beginning of your life. There will always be fear and intolerance, war and injustice, poverty and inequality, but for a time, even if for only a brief time, your dad and I will have a sense of deep satisfaction that the world can indeed change for the better, and that America can once again be a guiding light for positive leadership. This is a moment that will live in history, and we can say, "We were there and we were a part of it."
Love,
Mom
Sunday, November 2, 2008
It's a ........!!
Friday was the day that Erik and I went to get our ultrasound! We found out the sex and that it does not have 3 arms, which seemed to really please Erik, because he mentioned it at least a couple times. I'm sure you really want me to just spit it out and tell you already, "Boy or Girl?!?!?," but not so fast. Let me just say that for a couple months now, I was totally convinced it was a girl, and have been calling the baby "she;" however, Pam, my mom-in-law was sure it was a boy. Pam was right, I was wrong. It's a boy! I was actually so genuinely surprised, I made the tech go back and check, multiple times, because I wasn't convinced. With this picture, I realized there was no mistake. It's official, I have a penis inside me. Weird.
The concept that we are going to have a son, has just started to sink in. Erik kept thinking I was sad or upset to find out it was a boy, but really it has been hard to accept that I was so wrong with my instinct. For some reason, I feel like I should have known. Before I had a "feeling" about what it was, I felt totally non-biased about what we wanted, I would've been thrilled with a healthy baby of either sex. Then, I got myself all worked up and convinced I knew what it was! I am not disappointed in any way, I am just adjusting the visions I had conceived in my mind and am trying to accept that it's OK that I was wrong. I am somewhat overwhelmed with the idea of having a boy, because I don't know what to do with boys, I know girls! I feel like raising a responsible, sensitive guy is scary, and I keep thinking of all the stuff in our backyard that he'll be able to turn into "weapons...!" On the upside, Grandpa Dennis and Erik will have another generation to suffer with through Cubbie and Bear seasons. Let the tradition continue!! While Grandpa Bob and I have many lessons of tools and building to instill in the first male of our clan (that is if Tasha doesn't have a boy first).
So we find out it's a boy, and then the tech does a scan of the baby for measurements and to show us his face, and he is SO cute!! I'm sure I'm somewhat biased, but seriously, what's wrong with you if you don't think he's adorable?!
I know that looking at these images takes a little adjustment to figure out what is going on, but hopefully you see his little face amongst all the "stuff" that he's floating in.
Now I see his face and am totally falling in love with the alien inside me, even though it has a penis, then he does more cute things, like yawning. I find myself grinning ear to ear, in total disbelief and amazement that we are looking at OUR baby. Wow, crazy....
And look at his sweet profile.... Erik actually said, "Hey, maybe he won't have my Cro-Magnum brow! Maybe not, but honey, there's still time....
I am really glad we went to find out what we were having, even though we debated a bit about whether or not to do so. Knowing what we are having, hasn't "spoiled" the surprise in any way, in fact it's given me a whole new perspective about how to be a mom and what I might face. Besides, there are plenty of surprises in our future. In a few short months (that will feel ridiculously long at times when I am waddling around), we will have officially left our pre-children life, forever. We are excited and nervous, hopeful and scared. Life will change in every possible way, but we know each other quite well after all these years, and are glad that we get to go through this experience together. On Friday, it felt like we met our son for the first time, and now I have an image of his face to get me through the rest of my pregnancy and labor. I feel a sense of peace and anticipation of meeting him in person, face to face.
The concept that we are going to have a son, has just started to sink in. Erik kept thinking I was sad or upset to find out it was a boy, but really it has been hard to accept that I was so wrong with my instinct. For some reason, I feel like I should have known. Before I had a "feeling" about what it was, I felt totally non-biased about what we wanted, I would've been thrilled with a healthy baby of either sex. Then, I got myself all worked up and convinced I knew what it was! I am not disappointed in any way, I am just adjusting the visions I had conceived in my mind and am trying to accept that it's OK that I was wrong. I am somewhat overwhelmed with the idea of having a boy, because I don't know what to do with boys, I know girls! I feel like raising a responsible, sensitive guy is scary, and I keep thinking of all the stuff in our backyard that he'll be able to turn into "weapons...!" On the upside, Grandpa Dennis and Erik will have another generation to suffer with through Cubbie and Bear seasons. Let the tradition continue!! While Grandpa Bob and I have many lessons of tools and building to instill in the first male of our clan (that is if Tasha doesn't have a boy first).So we find out it's a boy, and then the tech does a scan of the baby for measurements and to show us his face, and he is SO cute!! I'm sure I'm somewhat biased, but seriously, what's wrong with you if you don't think he's adorable?!
I know that looking at these images takes a little adjustment to figure out what is going on, but hopefully you see his little face amongst all the "stuff" that he's floating in.
Now I see his face and am totally falling in love with the alien inside me, even though it has a penis, then he does more cute things, like yawning. I find myself grinning ear to ear, in total disbelief and amazement that we are looking at OUR baby. Wow, crazy....
And look at his sweet profile.... Erik actually said, "Hey, maybe he won't have my Cro-Magnum brow! Maybe not, but honey, there's still time....
I am really glad we went to find out what we were having, even though we debated a bit about whether or not to do so. Knowing what we are having, hasn't "spoiled" the surprise in any way, in fact it's given me a whole new perspective about how to be a mom and what I might face. Besides, there are plenty of surprises in our future. In a few short months (that will feel ridiculously long at times when I am waddling around), we will have officially left our pre-children life, forever. We are excited and nervous, hopeful and scared. Life will change in every possible way, but we know each other quite well after all these years, and are glad that we get to go through this experience together. On Friday, it felt like we met our son for the first time, and now I have an image of his face to get me through the rest of my pregnancy and labor. I feel a sense of peace and anticipation of meeting him in person, face to face.
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