Dear Kaden (AKA Kader-pops or Pudd, as in Puddle of baby or Puddle of drool),
You are 4 months old now. This past Sunday was Father's Day, Daddy's first, and the whole family (Tash, Eli, Zabri, Grandma and Grandpa) all went up to the cabin. It was cool and cloudy, which is unusual for this time of year, but it was beautiful, and a welcome change from the warmth of Albuquerque. We all had a great time, and you totally loved it up there. New sights, smells and air to stimulate you.
You are changing a lot right now. You are profoundly taken with your ability to reach out and touch things. You get annoyed leaning back on our chests when we hold you, because you REALLY want to sit up straight so you can grab at whatever is in front of you. I am taken with how cute you are, and your sweet little voice makes me smile till my cheeks hurt. I have figured out that you are ticklish, and when I get it just right, your face lights up and you giggle with this infectious little laugh. When you laugh, my body stops hurting and I feel joy. I love to look at your beautiful little lean body, and admire your perfect skin and developing muscles. Your face is so expressive and feels so good to smother in kisses. You've lost most of your hair, so you look almost bald, and I'm curious what color it will grow in during this next phase.
Lately, your awareness has gotten much better. Sometimes, you are so tired, but so totally awake because there is so much to see that you are just now realizing surrounds you. When you get wired, and the world around you seems so terribly fascinating, you practically swing your head from side to side, trying to take it all in before it might disappear. I am really looking forward to you being able to sit up on your own. So far, you can sit on the couch with pillows around you and for awhile you manage to stay upright, until you slowly fold in half so that you are slobbering on your legs. We are practicing "tummy time" so that you can strengthen your back muscles. Last week, you were pretty pissed off whenever I put you on your tummy, this week you are doing well holding yourself up with your elbows.
Two of your favorite discoveries are your feet and your hands. When you are on your back, especially on the changing table, you swing up your feet and hold your toes. Because you are constantly putting everything possible in your mouth, you enjoy when I give you a little assist by putting your foot in there too. More often than not, you are trying hard to get at least one fist in your mouth. You have however, also discovered that chewing on a finger or your thumb can be deeply satisfying. Daddy and I (and everyone else) are in awe of how much drool you are producing right now. On average, I change your bib at least 5 times a day. When I take one off, it is totally saturated with slimy wet. I love you, but seriously, the drool has got to stop someday, right?! I keep saying that about my squirting boobs too - this will stop eventually, right?!! I apologize to you frequently for spraying you on the face and in your ear, but maybe we can call it even for you spitting-up all over me, OK?
I am doing better with adjusting to being your mommy. I am enjoying your ability to interact with us more, and am excited to see your personality emerge. You are on a bit more of a schedule sometimes, and you and I are doing better communicating. I love that you now recognize mine and Daddy's faces and voices, and get really excited when we're around. When Daddy is holding you and I come up to smile and talk to you, you get this huge ear to ear grin, bring your little slobbery fists up to your mouth, scrunch your shoulders and bury your face into his chest. It really is incredibly adorable and it makes both of us giggle and love you even more.
On my birthday, the whole family, including Auntie Eeya (AKA Mira), plus Shembi and Vince all went out to dinner, then came back home to hang out. Vince brought his guitar. While he was playing, Daddy was holding you up near his shoulder so you could watch. You reached out and put your hand on the shoulder strap and just rested it there. All of us stopped and watched you watching the guitar. It was late, and you should have been asleep, but you were totally awake and completely engrossed in the music. Daddy said your head was moving back and forth, studying Vince's hands. When he stopped playing, you kind of snapped out of your trance, and started crying softly. We can't help but wonder what role music will play in your life. Thankfully, we have Vince and Laura and Tasha and Christopher around to expose you to instruments.
You just woke up, and want my attention, so that is the end of this letter.
I love you Baby Boy.
Sweet Dreams,
Mommy
P.S. Auntie Eeya took some great pictures of you and us while she was visiting, once she sends or posts them I will post some here.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Saturday, June 6, 2009
15 Weeks
Wow, I've been wanting to write for weeks now.... Sometimes, as I'm lying in bed, fantasizing about being able to sleep, I mentally write blog entries. Then I wake up, sleep deprived and in baby-land, so the entries go unwritten. As I sit here, my mom-in-law and sister-in-law are in the other room visiting with Erik and Kaden. I feel tired but refreshed, because I got to sleep in, take a long shower, then get dressed in clothes not yet stained on the shoulders with drool and spit-up, and as a final touch for feeling less frumpy-mom, I used hair products because I didn't have to shower at 11:30 at night. Yes, life is good with other arms around to hold the little one.
Life has gotten easier in these past few weeks. Everyone told me it would. I'm glad Everyone wasn't lying to me.
Kaden and I have gotten to know each other a lot better, and we have learned to communicate with a more subtle language. I am somehow adapting to going to bed late and waking up 2 to 3 times a night, then waking up early. Thankfully, Erik takes Kaden most mornings for between a half hour and an hour to another part of the house to hang out, and I get to sleep. The thing about that precious few minutes of sleep, is that it's the only time I'm really out. During the night, when Erik is totally passed out and oblivious to me and the baby, I sometimes sleep, but it's always a very light, a "one eye open," kind of sleep. When they are off together in the morning, I know Kaden is safe and I can fall into a deeper sleep. That half hour keeps me sane, OK, semi-sane might be the more accurate term. The weird thing about being so exhausted most of the time, is that I have an incredibly hard time falling asleep lately. I lie in bed, listening to my boys breathing in the rhythm that tells me they are drifting into dreamland, and wonder why on earth my body won't let me pass out. The anticipation of Kaden waking, coupled with the overwhelming sense of responsibility for him seems to outweigh my bodies own duties to itself.
Motherhood stimulates a whole new set of emotions and awakens instincts you didn't know you had. I know, I know, I'm not saying anything that everyone hasn't heard before, but I feel the need to repeat it and embellish that statement now that I'm experiencing it. First off, did you know that you develop super-sonic hearing as a mom, especially for kids noises? Yes, it's true, I think I've heard a kid cry a block away. I was able to decipher the cry as, A) not my kid, whew!, and B) I think she just fell down, scraped her knee and she might be a bit hungry. Wouldn't have heard that 3 months ago. Along with the super-sonic hearing comes a bit of a "spidey-sense" in my skin. Let me explain, when my kid cries, my skin feels like spiders are crawling on me, and it's torture. My ears start ringing, my tits start squirting, my brow furrows and my finger twitch with the need to hold him and "fix it." When Erik is the one holding a crying Kaden, and this involuntary Mommy reaction happens, I either need to run away and let Daddy fix it, or I tend to want to yank my baby away while screaming, "YOU'RE NOT DOING IT RIGHT!" It is this same annoying instinct that allows me to pick up my baby and carry him around for the umpteenth lap of the day despite the fact that my back is not only spasming, but kind of feels like a acid is slowly burning its way through my muscle tissue, while rusty 16-penny nails are being driven into my spine. I often think that day to day motherhood is more physically painful than labor. At least during labor my body was shooting me full of happy drugs! Now I can't even take an Aleve or a shot of tequila! Sometimes I think that mothers who use formula are the smart ones.... Anyway, it's hard to overstate how sensitive mom's are to their children, and the means of communication that they develop together. I long to casually run errands like I used to, but the anxiety of dealing with a hysterically crying baby in the car is enough to make me reconsider the urgency of toilet paper. These new emotions and sensitivities are just some of the many things I'm learning to accept with my new role as Mom.
Cutie Pie
Are those my toes?!
Sleepy Baby....
Life has gotten easier in these past few weeks. Everyone told me it would. I'm glad Everyone wasn't lying to me.
Kaden and I have gotten to know each other a lot better, and we have learned to communicate with a more subtle language. I am somehow adapting to going to bed late and waking up 2 to 3 times a night, then waking up early. Thankfully, Erik takes Kaden most mornings for between a half hour and an hour to another part of the house to hang out, and I get to sleep. The thing about that precious few minutes of sleep, is that it's the only time I'm really out. During the night, when Erik is totally passed out and oblivious to me and the baby, I sometimes sleep, but it's always a very light, a "one eye open," kind of sleep. When they are off together in the morning, I know Kaden is safe and I can fall into a deeper sleep. That half hour keeps me sane, OK, semi-sane might be the more accurate term. The weird thing about being so exhausted most of the time, is that I have an incredibly hard time falling asleep lately. I lie in bed, listening to my boys breathing in the rhythm that tells me they are drifting into dreamland, and wonder why on earth my body won't let me pass out. The anticipation of Kaden waking, coupled with the overwhelming sense of responsibility for him seems to outweigh my bodies own duties to itself.
Motherhood stimulates a whole new set of emotions and awakens instincts you didn't know you had. I know, I know, I'm not saying anything that everyone hasn't heard before, but I feel the need to repeat it and embellish that statement now that I'm experiencing it. First off, did you know that you develop super-sonic hearing as a mom, especially for kids noises? Yes, it's true, I think I've heard a kid cry a block away. I was able to decipher the cry as, A) not my kid, whew!, and B) I think she just fell down, scraped her knee and she might be a bit hungry. Wouldn't have heard that 3 months ago. Along with the super-sonic hearing comes a bit of a "spidey-sense" in my skin. Let me explain, when my kid cries, my skin feels like spiders are crawling on me, and it's torture. My ears start ringing, my tits start squirting, my brow furrows and my finger twitch with the need to hold him and "fix it." When Erik is the one holding a crying Kaden, and this involuntary Mommy reaction happens, I either need to run away and let Daddy fix it, or I tend to want to yank my baby away while screaming, "YOU'RE NOT DOING IT RIGHT!" It is this same annoying instinct that allows me to pick up my baby and carry him around for the umpteenth lap of the day despite the fact that my back is not only spasming, but kind of feels like a acid is slowly burning its way through my muscle tissue, while rusty 16-penny nails are being driven into my spine. I often think that day to day motherhood is more physically painful than labor. At least during labor my body was shooting me full of happy drugs! Now I can't even take an Aleve or a shot of tequila! Sometimes I think that mothers who use formula are the smart ones.... Anyway, it's hard to overstate how sensitive mom's are to their children, and the means of communication that they develop together. I long to casually run errands like I used to, but the anxiety of dealing with a hysterically crying baby in the car is enough to make me reconsider the urgency of toilet paper. These new emotions and sensitivities are just some of the many things I'm learning to accept with my new role as Mom.
Here is a series of photos of us up at the cabin for Memorial Day weekend
Mom and Kaden enjoying the perfect weather
Cutie Pie
Are those my toes?!
What?! I'm just sitting here drooling.
Sleepy Baby....
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