Kaden's First Christmas

Greetings Followers, I hope you had a great Thanksgiving/Hanukkah/Christmas!

This holiday season was among the stranger, if not the strangest we've ever had. It all started with Thanksgiving. Our family tradition for most of the last decade has been to haul all our crap up to The Cabin in Jemez to party, sleep and stuff ourselves silly for 3 or 4 days. Typically, my dad, is our chef extraordinaire. He plans, buys and cooks almost all of every meal for 7-16 people throughout our stay, but this year was different.

OK, I need to interject a little background about my dad to set the stage for some of the reason why things have been strange this year. To me, my dad has always been a strong, tall, confident, athletic, ambitious, capable and determined man, whom until now, I saw as semi-invincible. In my whole life, he's only had a handful of colds, annoying seasonal allergies, and a shoulder injury he got while digging a trench. Other than that, he's been ridiculously healthy. Then this year came. Something happened to him, which we still haven't figured out. He got something. Something that really hurts, something that sucks all his energy away, something that quieted his passion for life. Something that crippled him so much that he could not drive, pick up his grandsons, put on his socks or braid his hair by himself. This "disease" has many symptoms of rheumatoid arthritis, but the Doctors say that it's not what it is. In addition, he also developed Carpal Tunnel in his hands at the same time as all of this. So a number of weeks ago he had surgery on one hand to relieve it, but he has yet to feel the results. Until about 2 weeks ago, my dad was not the one cooking dinners or celebrating, he was the one in bed napping, yet again. 2 weeks ago he started Prednisone, a heavy duty steroid. Finally he is getting some relief from the pain, after getting worse every day, but we still don't know what is going on. The hunt for the diagnosis continues.

Now that you have a bit of history on my dad, I can continue my story.... Thanksgiving: typically Turkey Day is my dad's territory. He loves to cook. He usually makes all the "main" dishes, and the rest of us fill in with some sides and desserts. This year he couldn't possibly do that. Instead of one of the family members stepping up, we recruited Mira's long time beau and professional chef, Kevin, to fly out from Seattle to cook us dinner. Actually, he was coming out anyway, but boy was it convenient to coerce him into cooking our turkey, gravy, potatoes and stuffing! So for the first time in my life, someone else cooked the Poling's Thanksgiving Turkey, while my dad hung out on the couch or in bed. Kevin did a great job, and I am thankful that the job was not handed to me.

Fast forward one month to the holiday season of gift giving.

For only the 2nd time in my life, I did not light the Hanukkah candles. I don't have a good reason, it just didn't happen. I'm sad about it, because I love the tradition. The song, the moments of stillness to watch the menorah, the memories of years past, I love them all, but for some reason we didn't get around to it. Right here, right now, I vow to do it next year for myself and for Kaden. I don't care about the presents, I like the ritual and the acknowledgment of my family roots.

In preparation for the glorious day of Christmas excess, I shopped high and low for the "perfect"gifts for our growing family. For many, many years our Christmas's have been for 6 or 7 people, all adults. This year, we had 7 adults plus 2 children. Boy does that plus 2 make a difference! Don't get me wrong, my family is all about excess and chaos, but you throw in that plus 2 and you're opening gifts until 6:30 at night. You think I'm joking? Nope. Not joking. It's not just the number of gifts (which is always way too many in my clan) but you have to factor in naptimes and fussy times and.... okay, it wasn't all the kids' fault, we did have another issue this year. That issue has been dubbed "Puke-a-thon '09." Oh yeah, 7 out of 9 family members got the pukes. It started on Christmas Eve. Mira, my mom and Zabri were the first to go down, next came my dad and Eli. Erik was next, then Kaden didn't get it till later. Tasha and I, the breastfeeding mamas, seemed to have special powers to ward off the gunk AND lose weight. Yay breastfeeding! Amazingly, nobody was actually actively sick during the day of Christmas, but there were lots of sensitive stomachs. Instead of our traditional dinner, we had eggs. Yep, we had breakfast for Christmas dinner. As I said, my dad is a big cook, so we're all used to a lot of good, gourmet food, but this year, he and I whipped up some scrambled eggs and sausage for dinner. I still find it very funny, because I can't recall EVER having breakfast for dinner, let alone for a major holiday. What can I say, we all had to "go with the flow" this year. All in all it was great. Nobody had any fights, we all pitched in to help when the pukers went down and my dad was hurting, there was a slew of great gifts, including some really fabulous hand-crafted treasures, and it's always fun having a family slumber party up on my folks' hill in Placitas. We still haven't put everything away, but really, what's the point when you have a kid? Your house is always trashed anyway....

Speaking of our house.... we're selling it. Yep, it's time. Our last freak out was almost exactly a year ago, but this time we have a yard that is acceptable for selling this place. On Christmas Eve, Erik announced to me how much we had left in savings, and how long it would last if we stayed here. Yeah.... so not a sustainable equation unless something were to dramatically change. Theoretically I could put Kaden in daycare and get a job (hahahahaha.... ooo, good one!) or hustle my tushie off to drum up some work that would be significant enough to put us in the black, but right now I don't see that happening. This house is a treasure of potential, but a bottomless pit for money if you're a contractor with a mission. I will be sad to walk away, because I have such clear visions of what it could be, but we're both sick of our house making decisions for so many other parts of our life. It is time to move on. There are many, many decisions to be made before it can be listed, so at least I'll have some writing material other than squirting milk and poopy diapers, but time will be even more scarse, so you may just have to learn how to read my mind if you want future blog posts.

Tomorrow is the last day of 2009 and what a year it's been! We became parents. Which is such a loaded statement, I would have to write a whole separate post just to attempt to summarize what that means to me. What I can say is that it has been an enlightening journey. I am thrilled that I got to experience having him at home, without interference. The transition from independent business woman to Mom was way more difficult than I could have imagined. The sleep deprivation and constant depression pushed me to the brink of total collapse numerous times, but here I am. I couldn't have survived without the support of family and friends, and because of that, I now have a profound appreciation and sense of respect for all single parents. I am proud of Erik for being such a wonderful dad and husband. Kaden lights up every time he sees him and it brings my heart joy. Erik continues to amaze me with the amount of responsibility he takes for us to keep our household running and I am thankful to have him. Kaden is a beautiful sweet baby, who I am falling more in love with as time passes. I love seeing his personality develop and I know that in spite of the challenges, he will help me grow in ways that I never knew possible. This year I also relished my role as Auntie or as Zabri thinks of me, his "other tatas." I adore my nephew and love seeing him interact with Kaden.

This year I watched my dad struggle with pain and exhaustion, and saw my mom step up and take on responsibilities that have been his for the majority of their long marriage. She also pushed herself to try and make money as a Realtor in an incredibly difficult market, in a niche area, while taking care of not only my dad, but also the rest of our family when we needed her. If she had her choice, she would do little more than spend time with the boys, but she hung in there because she was needed. She did all she could without complaint or anger, and we are all appreciative of her total commitment to our family.

My sister, Mira, was laid off, but in the void she found a gift for crafts that I think has surprised even her. She has always had an eye for great things, but I am proud of her for discovering and producing so many wonderful things.

Tasha and Eli have also been bowled over with the heavy responsibility of parenthood. Despite the challenges, Eli started a business with a partner and stayed more busy than he could handle. Tasha fought to study for a degree in nutrition, while attempting to continue work on her amazing, totally unique paintings.

I look back on this year and am blown away at what it has revealed. I am grateful for mine and Erik's families. I am proud of all of us for getting through an incredibly tough economic year. I am very ready to put this year behind us and move into a new year, which I hope will be filled with love, laughter, prosperity and health. To all of you, I wish the same. Happy New Year and blessings for 2010!