Calm and Focused

Our trip to the cabin was good. The scenery was beautiful and the weather was gorgeous. The crisp mountain air was the type that had a nice weight to it, especially when the sun rested on you, feeling like a warm cloud wrapped around your body, making you sleepy wherever you went. The air, the birds and the sound of the creek took about a day to permeate our beings, but then we finally let it in and started to relax.

This was the first time I've been to the cabin since being pregnant, and I have to say, it was odd being so sober. As anyone who has been to the cabin knows, typically there is a lot of drinking and such when we're up there. I don't know if I missed the buzz or the habit of having a drink during a game of pool more. I know that sounds kind of bad, but what can I say? It's the truth.

We had originally planned on inviting a few people up, but after one set of friends couldn't make it, we decided we wanted to be alone. That was the right decision, because we really needed to talk. This house, me not working, Erik's work and the baby on the way are all pretty intense issues right now, swirling in our heads all the time. Talking about it helps, and makes us feel more connected to each other. But at the same time is frustrating, because it feels like we keep having the same conversation over and over again. Unfortunately, our problems are not going away anytime soon, and we just keep trying to analyze new angles on ways to adjust or solve them. We both know that there is no point in looking back at theoretically bad decisions or things we could have done differently, all we can do is try and focus on the future, and getting through a rough time. Erik and I are a good team, and have made it through some tough spots in the past, so I know we can do this too, but it's just scary when the stakes are so high. In my heart I know it'll all work out, but I wonder how and at what cost?

I felt the baby kick this weekend. When I was very calm and focused, with my hands resting on my belly, I could feel what felt like muffled popcorn popping. It made me smile, hold my breath and remember, these are the big things on life that I need to focus on, and everything else will be OK.

13 pounds

I had another prenatal appointment today. Everything looked good and I was surprised to find out that I have gained 13 pounds. I knew I was showing quite a bit more, even since last week, but I've certainly never weighed this much. I'm feeling pretty good right now, and not experiencing too many "symptoms." The strange thing right now is that my belly has grown enough to get in my way. Bending down is becoming a bit hard, sitting and getting up is taking some maneuvering, and belts are now unwearable and been replaced with an elastic belly tube that keeps my pants up.... Hopefully I'll post another picture soon....

This past weekend Mira flew out to help us celebrate our Mom's 60th birthday! We had a big party with a tent and a band on Saturday night, with lots of food and libations. Everyone seemed to really enjoy themselves. The weather was great, the music was fun and lots of dancing continued into the night. My mom was adorable when about 70 people packed into the studio to sing her happy birthday, and I could tell that she was soaking in the moment, and love of her friends and family. She has made Placitas her home and community for over 30 years, and it was great to see so many people from the community, as well as all over NM, come to celebrate such a milestone with her. Thanks to everyone who came and made it a fun night!

Not too much else to report on. I am slowly clearing out the nursery of all the random crap that's collected in there since we moved in, and it feels good to purge. I am actually very close to being able to paint in there, which will be fun (for Erik...).

My work is still non-existent, and I'm attempting to keep my stress at bay about the lack of me contributing money to the household. Erik is still working his butt off, and as I write this (7:20), he still hasn't made it home. We are planning a little vacay up to the cabin this weekend, to get some R&R without the computer, TV or phones, so that will be nice. This is a beautiful time to go up there, and I'm hoping we catch a view of the cottonwoods and aspens turning golden. I think we're both hoping that a little distance from here, and all the looming projects, will give us the breather we need to regenerate, gain some confidence and maybe to have some more ideas or strategies for how to make this all work. I know we are being very challenged right now, and we have the capacity to succeed, but we are trying to figure out the right combination of angles and strategies to reach our goals. Many questions and many answers, but what are the right answers for us? Decisions, decisions....

17 Weeks on Monday

Well Hello!

Now that I'm preggers, and starting to show, I thought it would be novel to start my first Blog. I honestly have no idea how often I'll update this, but I figured it was worth starting with good intentions. Up until now, I've been sending long emails to all the people who want to follow my progress, and I figured this would be a much more time efficient way to keep everyone up.

As of today, I am 17 weeks. By the end of this week, the baby will be about 5 oz and about 5 inches long. I am starting to feel the bulge get in the way when I do things like bend over and sit, which is quite strange, and I laugh because this is only the very beginning! You can't really tell from these photos, but my chest has grown quite a bit, which is fun, because at least they don't hurt right now! Now that morning sickness (ha! all day sickness is what it should be called) is gone, my most annoying symptoms are lots of zits, a racing heartbeat and headaches. All in all I'm doing well, enjoying the changes and totally anticipating feeling the baby move around!

Erik and I shot about 8 pictures attempting to get 2 photos that didn't suck.... we were semi-successful, but in this second photo, I was actually laughing at him, and was sucking in a bit, so you don't even see how poochy my tummy actually looks, but seriously, it was the only side shot worth posting....

I hope you enjoy seeing pictures and getting an update! If you would like to not be included on my email list for blog updates, please respond to my email, and I will remove you from my list.

Much love, Camian