Waiting game

It's been too long since I posted, but as you all can imagine, I've had some things on my mind. So far, the only obvious signs that I am close to popping are that the baby is very deeply engaged in my pelvis, and I am now 6 days away from my due date, ie: D-day. I have made a point of not guessing what day I think the baby will come, and am trying hard to just keep plugging along with life, with the knowledge that the only thing that is true for every pregnancy is that eventually, the baby has to come out.

Shembi has been here since the night of the 9th, so we've had some good time to visit and do a bunch of little things I wanted to do before the baby arrives. She is usually very busy during the days, working from our home office, but a couple days I've gotten to steal her away for a few hours in the afternoon to run errands or do projects. It's been really nice to have someone to cook with in the evenings and I feel like we've all been eating well. The three of us have actually been sitting at the dining room table every night and I honestly think it's about as much use as it's ever gotten since we lived here. Erik and I are terrible about sitting at the dining table, and this has been a good transition into our "new life."

I seem to have wild fluctuations in my energy levels from day to day. Some days I'm very energetic, happy and motivated to get things done. Other days, I struggle to keep my eyes open due to engrossing exhaustion and feel like my emotions are one AT&T commercial away from bubbling over. I go back and forth about how I feel about my impending labor. Sometimes I feel as ready as I can for taking on this life-changing journey- enthusiastic, ready, anxious. Other times I feel like none of the prep-work was what I should have done and I feel quite unprepared. I trust my body and my decision to stay home for our son's birth, but I can't help but think of all those, "Shoulda, woulda, coulda's," especially being so close to the end of this pregnancy. You know, the things like, I shouda exercised more, I coulda practiced my hypnobirthing techniques more, I woulda ______ if I knew I woulda needed it during/after labor. I feel like I'm on the verge of going on a Walkabout, but I don't know when it will start or how long it will take. My head is swirling with the possibilities of so many things. When will I start labor? How will it go? Will the whole experience be nothing like I imagine? All I know for sure is that I will be a different person after this experience, and I am pretty sure I will be a better, stronger person for it.

Some of you have been following this pregnancy through my blog posts since last September, some of you have just started reading it, and others of you have periodically checked in just to view pictures. I started this as a way to keep lots of people informed and sometimes entertained, but also as a way to journal my thoughts, both for me to reflect on as well as our son in the future. Being so close to the end of my pregnancy and so close to having our baby in my arms, I feel like I can finally summarize the bulk of my experience of my first pregnancy.

Recently, I’ve felt reflective and somewhat internalized with my thoughts. I find myself avoiding phone calls and correspondence, and feeling that besides Tasha, nobody really freshly relates to what I'm going through. Right now is the last little bit of calm before the storm. I can’t possibly predict what is in store for our lives, but I am excited and calm, scared and confident. Overall, I’ve had a good pregnancy. First trimester was pretty rough, but it could have been much worse. My body and baby have been good to me, insurance companies have not. Next go round I will do some things differently, but I am proud that I did better than I thought I might regarding most of the suggestions for having a healthy pregnancy. I didn't miss some things, like wine or sushi, as much as I thought I would, but now I'm starting to look forward to a glass of Shiraz or Malbec with dinner and a few tuna and hamachi rolls with a bottle of Sake. My belly never got as uncomfortably ginormous as I thought it would, but judging by some of your reactions to my belly pictures, you would beg to differ. I am pleased that I wasn't broken out like a teenager the whole time, but disturbed by the seemingly never-ending heartburn. My body hasn't hurt as much as I thought it would, but when it has hurt, I am relieved when the pain finally subsides. I am totally thankful for all the support I've had since day one, and feel truly blessed to have our families and friends. I also have a whole new respect for women who work full time jobs during pregnancy. Seriously, I throw my hat off to them and find myself offering them silent praises of amazement on a very regular basis. There have been many times in the last 6 months in particular that I cursed my lack of work, but I try to have faith that in the long run I will see that there was a reason life unfolded the way it did. This was certainly an off year for me and work, but luckily I did well last year. There’s nothing like being self-employed to create a constant wave of inconsistent earnings. I am totally grateful to my wonderful husband for working so hard, doing everything he can, day after day to provide for us and his growing family. I try to remember and tell him often, that I am thankful for him and that he should be proud of himself for doing what he does to support us and take care of his honey. Not only does he work a ton at his job, but he also comes home and takes care of miserable house chores like the cat litter and bills. He also finds time most every day to give me love and make me laugh, and has been great at rubbing my back and legs at night.

Looking back over the last nine months, I am somewhat stunned at what has transpired. Tasha got married and had a baby, I grew a baby in my body, the economy tanked and we elected a black president. That’s certainly not all that’s happened, but jeez, that seems like a lot of significant stuff in a short period of time! I can’t say that the next nine months won’t seem even more dramatic and significant in our little world, but I can say that this has been quite a year for the books. I am really glad that I started a blog and that so many of you have expressed your enthusiasm in reading it. I never thought I would have a “following” for my writing, but it’s been great to get your feedback and to have a record for me to look back on. I’ve never been one to journal, and any type of routine makes me feel nauseous, so this has been a new experience for me, but a really good one. It’s hard to say, but I may not write again for awhile, but then again, I might. I have asked Shembi to write a post for me when I have the baby. At a minimum, she will give you his name, all the vital stats, and hopefully post some decent pictures. Until then, I will be here at home, continuing to nest and prepare myself for my impending journey. Keep me and the baby in your thoughts and next time I write, I will hopefully be a mom to a beautiful, healthy, perfect baby!

A few recent belly pictures:

From a week ago, in front of a fabulous collection of Mira's photos

Next two are from this past Sunday night

This is from tonight

An update on construction:

Eli will finish this week. Right now he still has to do some grout haze removal and other clean up, a second coat of paint, and needs to install all the bath accessories (towel bars, etc.), the door and a big mirror over the "makeup" counter. There might be a few more tidbits, but it's pretty much done and functional!

The custom cabinets came out great, and including install, ended up being less than Home Depot or Lowes. The tub is going to be a total luxury once I can use it. I'm pleased that we ended up doing a personal shower (a handshower on a hose) instead of a fixed head, because it will work well for our different heights and cleaning the baby. The tile is not exactly what I wanted, but I am happy with it overall. We love the floor, it looks great and it feels even better. This weekend, assuming we don't have a baby, we will get our stuff all moved in and the project will be complete!

Here are some pictures of it almost done:

The tub/shower

The "makeup" counter

The Lavatory area